scars
by Sonslover101
Summary: Liv unexpectedly finds a young girl in need. after years missing, will she be able to look past the scars and see the true beauty? EO!
1. a case to remember

Hey guys! This story is going to be a pretty interesting one I think, it's different than any other ones i've written. Hope you enjoy!

I remember the day so clearly, as if it were yesterday. We had been working a case for a week, a very long week. A girl who had been reported missing 5 years before had been seen on a security camera in a store. She was clearly disoriented and the clerk who helped her check out said there was noticeable bruises, and blood. This was a very hard case for many reasons. First of all, she had no family at all. Both of her parents were only children, whose parents died before she was born. She hadn't been seen in 5 years, and then suddenly turned up on a camera, which doesn't happen often for runaways or missing people in general.

Elliot and I had been having arguments throughout for many reasons. The main one was the fact that I thought I was pregnant. We'd been very careful, but one night we got too drunk and next thing we knew it was morning, and there was no condom or wrapper to be seen. The case was also making us argue, there were many sides to the case considering it's complexities. He thought she was a runaway, and I thought she was a hostage. She seemed to be a very sweet girl from anybody who'd met her. It just didn't make sense.

So as we were sitting there looking over our files one last time, we decided to broaden our search. We talked to people who would have known her in school, teachers, neighbors down the street. Everyone. But still nothing new. Then we got a phonecall. I remember hearing that phone ring and feeling something was different. It was her. "Hello? I need help" "Anna?" "yes" "ok, first of all are you in any immediate danger" "no, he's not at home right now" "ok, anna do you know where home is?" "no" "ok, can you describe it to me?" "Um, yeah. It's got a blue car outside, suv size. The house is brown, with a red door. I know it's in a busy neighborhood because I can hear a lot of people outside." "okay, good anna. Now who is 'he'?" "John. he is the one who brought me here and I need help. He said that since I was on the news he's going to punish me, and I think he's going to kill me" "okay Anna, we have your location we're on our way." "okay" "do you want me to stay on the line?" "yes please" Throughout the entire conversation Anna was crying. I didn't blame her, with what was happening. I felt some connection with this girl, maybe because she was so young. Only 16.

As we pulled up in the squad car I told Anna that we were outside. The pressure I was feeling was building up in my chest. "Okay" she said. "Now I'm going to put down the phone, I need to hold my gun" "ok" We walked in, everybody's weapons drawn. After we declared the house clear except for the basement, I opened the latched door and walked down. "Anna?" she yelled "I'm over here" I run over and see her sitting on a bed, her arms roped to the base. I untie her and she falls into my open arms. It's a feeling i've never felt before. Sure, i've had many victims cry on me before, or hug me. But this was different. She was so open about needing that affection. After a moment she pulled away, still crying. "I'm really sorry. I'm sure that was no appropriate to do, I just.. I" "hey" I cut her off. "You don't need to apologize about anything, it was appropriate and I understand what you're going through. Now let's get you out of here, okay?" "I had never talked to a victim this way before, It was as if I knew her, well. We walked out of the house and she got in the other side of the car. I sat down next to her and we pulled away. "I'm going to have to go into foster care aren't I?" Her words came abrubtly to me. "Well, I don't know. We are going to see what happens." I lied, I knew she was going to end up going into foster care, I mean she didn't have anybody that could take her. Once we got to the station the rest of the squad went out looking for her captor, while  
I talked to her and helped her clean up. I handed her the clean t-shirt and a bottle of water. "Thanks" she said, smiling at me. "Of course honey" Honey? Since when do I say that to a victim, much less anybody? I don't know what's going on with me today but something about this girl seems to bring out a maternal side to me. She walks over and sits down on the couch. "Do you need some food? I could go out and get you something" She smiled at me. "No thanks, I couldn't eat right now if I wanted to." I nod, knowing the feeling. It's a moment of awkward silence, but at the same time i'm learning more and more about her. She looks over at me, and I see a tear trickle down her cheek. "Is there somebody here I can talk to? I just really need to talk to somebody" I smile at her. "You can talk to me" "well I don't want to bother you if it's not your job" I look at her, "listen. After what you've just gone through you don't need to worry about bothering anybody. Not to mention you aren't going to bother me."

After a talk about what happened, she falls silent again. I know now why she was having such a hard time talking about it. The things that he did to her go beyond anything i've ever seen. She lifted her shirt up and showed me the cigarette burns on her back and stomach. She was covered. Amongst the cuts and all the scars.


	2. a new beginning

As the night wound down and the squad came back, I felt more and more pressure in my chest. I saw Cragen walk by and zoomed to the door, shutting it behind me. "Captain" I said. "Hey Liv, what's up?" "okay, tonight instead of having Anna sleep here alone, can I take her to my house and have her sleep there?" "liv you know I can't do that" "please captain. She just needs someone to be there with her." He sighed. "Alright" I smiled, feeling some of the pressure come off. "Thank you"

I walked back in the room and sat down next to her. "So, I just talked to my boss. He said that you can come home with me tonight so that you don't have to stay here alone, is that okay?" "yes, absolutely. Thank you so much!" she said, a smile on her face.

When I open the door I feel a feeling of home. I set my bag down as Elliot walks into the kitchen. "hey hon" He kisses my lip. I look over and see Anna looking a bit awkward. "Here, I'll show you where to put your stuff." I say. I hear Elliot say from the bedroom. "Remember we have that appointment tomorrow, first ultrasound!" He's excited now, it's just taken him a bit to accept it. Anna looks up at me, then my stomach. "You're pregnant?" she says, clearly in disbelief. "Yep" I say, patting my belly. "I would have never known, you don't look like it and you certainly don't act like it." I laugh. "Well that's because I'm only about a month and half along. You can't see it yet, and other than some occasional sickness it's easy to forget i'm even pregnant" She smiles. "Well congratulations" "Thank you"

We walk out to the kitchen where Elliot stands phone in hand. "So Anna, what would you like me to order for dinner?" She looks a bit confused, not used to the attention. "Um, I guess anything is fine" "do you just want like a pizza?" "yeah, that sounds good" "okay, what do you like on your pizza?" "I don't really care, as long as there aren't any mushrooms" I say. He laughs and says "Ugh yucky"

We sit watching family guy and eating our pizza. I notice that Anna only had one piece. "Hey, there's more if you want some" I say. "No i'm fine, thank you though." "Are you sure? You only had one piece" She smiles at me. "No really i'm fine"

After a while I decide it's time for bed. I walk in the bedroom and get my pajamas on. After washing my face and pulling my hair up, I settle down into my bed. Then I hear a slight sniffling sound coming from the other room. I get up, and realize it's Anna. "hey, what's wrong?" I say, standing in the doorway. I walk over to her, and she immediately falls into my arms. And my arms were ready, openly embracing her. She continues crying, unable to stop. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with me" She says through tears. "Honey, don't be. I'm happy to help you" She sniffles a few more times, pulling herself back up into a sitting position. "Listen, I'm happy to be the one to talk to you if that's what you want, but if you want somebody more skilled with answers I can get you a therapist. I just don't want to be giving you the wrong thing." I say. She looks over at me and says so easily. "It's not really someone to talk to that I need, It's someone who cares. All I've ever needed was somebody who I can count on to go to when I just need to know i'm loved. Somebody who would open their arms willingly anytime they felt I could benefit from it. Somebody who would remind that they love me, without me having to say it first. Somebody who would know what I was needing even if I didn't tell them. I know it's a lot to ask, but when it's all you've ever wanted, it's not much." I think for a moment about what she's said. It makes perfect sense to me. It's the same thing that i've always wanted. That one person who'd always be there. What she described was exactly what I had always wanted in a mother. Of course I didn't get that in a mother. I ended up having a father-like one. Cragen, always showed me these things. He truly cared, and he knew what I was trying to do if nobody else saw it. "I know what you mean" I say. "Do you really?" She says. "I do. I know exactly what you are talking about. I've felt that so many times. Just wanting that one person." I open my arms again for her, and pull her close for a second. For most people they would think it would be weird considering the circumstances, but it felt right, like she belonged there. And she needed it, so much. Liv knew there was something special about Anna. something hiding beneath the scars and burns, was something amazing...


	3. A beautiful sound

Hey guys, this chapter skips ahead a bit. It's about a month later. Hope you guys enjoy!

I wake up to the sound of rain on the window. I love the sound, something about it is just so beautiful to me. It starts the day of well. I walk over to the window and see the lighting strike as I open the curtains. What most would see as dark and dreary I see as beautiful. It makes me happy to see how dark the clouds are, bringing in the storm. I love the sound of thunder. It reminds me of being younger. At my best friends house we would sit outside on the porch and watch the rain come down, listening to the thunder. Her mom and dad loved it too. Her mom was the closest thing I got to a mother, she'd sit out with us and tell us all about the trips they'd taken and how the rain in oregon was tremendous. They had taken a trip for 2 weeks and 8 of the days it rained, nonstop. She said everybody else was mad and said it ruined their trip, but she thought it was the best part. I remember the sound of the rain falling off the porch roof. And the feeling of the cold wet grass in the morning.

I'm pulled out of my musings by a voice from the kitchen calling my name. "Coming!" I say. I walk out and see elliot there, drenched in water. "What's going on?!" I say, grabbing towels to clean up the floor. "I couldn't get my car to open, I just stood out there for 10 minutes in the rain." I look over at Anna and we both suppress a laugh. "Can you just get me the spare keys please?" I hand them to him, laughing as I do so. He calms down and walks over to me. He places a kiss on my cheek, and a hand on my belly as he says "I'll pick you up at 3:30, remember call me if you need anything. I hope you feel better" He walks over to Anna and gives her an awkward hug. She'd been designated to stay with us unless a family member turns up willing to take her in. but Anna was happy here. She'd grown accustomed to staying with us. She had also gotten a lot better. She still had some troubles with what happened, and there were still nights that I would find her crying. But she was going to a therapist in town and had made a lot of progress. Elliot and I had both agreed that she would be our daughter. We of course weren't at that stage yet, as it would take time until she truly was our daughter. Things like that don't just happen overnight. It was hard for Elliot because he didn't really know if he was doing things right or not. He didn't know if he should hug her goodbye or not, he didn't know how to introduce her. He just needed some time. For me, it was very simple. Anna became my daughter very quickly. She and I got close over the last month, and it was a simple transition from victim to daughter.

I made my allowed glass of coffee and sat out on the balcony, that was thankfully covered from the rain. I can hear the rain falling down, gently landing on the street. The coffee wakes me up a bit, although I was already awake after my long night's sleep. I didn't feel this sick this morning, which didn't happen too often anymore. Most of the time it was in the middle of the night that I would first feel sick, and it would carry on into the morning. But it was sometimes all the time. The sound of the door sliding open snaps me back. "Hey" I say, as Anna walks out and sits down next to me. "It's so beautiful" she says, my eyes widening. "I just love the sound of rain. I just wish it was storming." I smiled as she looked at me. "What?" She said sweetly. "Nothing, it's just that I absolutely love the rain too. It's just funny to me that we're so alike." Anna laughed. "It's like I could've been your actual daughter." I smile at her. "Yeah." "So, how are you feeling this morning?" I look down into my cup. "Oh you know, i'm not sick, and i'm not tired. So pretty good." "Well that's good. What's the plan for today?" I think for a minute. "I think we are just going to lay low today if that's okay." I say. "Yeah! We could catch up on our favorite show!" I smile at her. "Alright, let's do it"

Around 2:00 I get a call from the captain, checking in on me. Elliot made me call in sick a few days ago, and Cragen had me take the week off, to take some time away from all the stress. I hate it, but it is nice getting to spend some time with Anna. I tell him that i'm fine and he tells me about the cases going on. I give some insight on a few of them and then hang up.

Elliot shows up at 3:00 and we get in the car. "So what is this appointment for?" Anna asks me. "It's just another baby checkup." "oh, cool. Do they do an ultrasound at this one?" she asks. I smile. "I don't know, why?" she looks at me awkwardly. "I don't know, I guess it'd be kind of cool to see that." I knew that's what she was trying to say."do you want to come in with us?" I say. "Sure" she says, a smile on her face.

"Alright and let's see. 2 and a half months along correct?" "yes" I say. "Okay, and other some occasional sickness is there anything else going on?" "Nope, It's all good." "okay" she smiles. "Well, let's see if we can see this little one" She says pulling out the machine. She puts the lotion on and rubs the machine around, until she sees a little head. "Wow" Was all Anna could say. The doctor smiled. "If you think that's cool just wait until you hear this. She pulls out another machine, which I already know is for the heartbeat, but Anna doesn't. As she searches for it I see Anna's confused look. Until suddenly the sound of a beating heart fills the room. I see Anna's face light up. I open my hand and she grabs it, listening to the sound.


	4. a hidden beauty

Hey guys! This is about a month in the future! Hope you enjoy!

I set down the folder and think about what he said. I don't understand why this case is so hard. We have all the pieces, we're just trying to fit them together. My phone dings and I look to see that it's Anna. Anna: Hey, are we still on for lunch today? I smile as I remember that we have a lunch date set up today. Liv: Yes, i'll meet you here, okay? Anna: Okay!

I walk outside and see Anna standing there, waiting for me. As we walk to the restaurant down the street I realize that we are being followed.

The person walking behind us follows us on every turn we make. He can't see my gun in my belt, so before turning around I pull it out in case it's needed. I whip around and the man stops. "Woah put the gun down" He says as he grabs Anna. it's broad daylight and yet there is nobody on the street. "let her go" I say, scared for her life. "I don't think so" He says, revealing his gun as he pulls it up to her head. She's trembling. "I said let her go" He laughs, and says "you either hand her and everything in your bag over, or she's dead." I see him move his finger towards the trigger and I pull the trigger. A bullet pierces his arm and he falls back, Anna pushing out of his grip. She runs over to me and he falls on his back. "Oh my god" She says. "Are you okay?" I say, knowing full well that she is. He tries and fails to get up, his arm bleeding. People have now run out of the shops and restaurants after hearing the gunshot.

Somebody called the cops, because I hear the sirens wailing from down the road. I'm not surprised when Barba steps out, looking at me in shock. He walks over to me and places an arm around me. "Oh my god Liv, are you guys okay?" His genuine worry comforts me. He's always been that way. His mind has been trained to keep calm in stressful situations thanks to his job. It always feels good to hear a calm voice at a time like this. "We are fine" I say, then notice my hand is absent mindedly covering my stomach. I keep thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't had my gun, or if I had waited even a second later to shoot. It's a thought I can't think about at this time, yet can't stop thinking about. I walk over to the squad car with Anna and we get in, both speechless. After we drive away the first thing she says is "Thank you" I look over at her and can't help but feel love. "I would have done anything for you" I say, as the words just slip from my mouth. It's true though, I would have gone after him even if it meant putting me or my baby in danger if it kept her safe.

Cragen requires us both to go to the hospital and get checked out, even though I tell him we are fine. I like that he cares though. I talked to Elliot on the phone, he said he would be there to pick us up at the hospital. After Anna and I are both checked out they do an ultrasound to make sure that there is nothing wrong with the baby. We haven't seen her since last month, and i'm surprised when I see just how much the baby has grown since then. I am certainly starting to show. Most of my shirts show the baby bump, but since I have already told everyone it's ok. It's just a little weird for me, I have never felt so vulnerable. As the doctor moves the wand around I see something that lights up my face. "Is that?" I say, too happy to finish the sentence. The doctor smiles at me and nods her head. "Yes Mam. you are having a baby boy" I turn to Anna and the look on her face melts my heart, she's so happy. I look down at m belly as my brain tries to comprehend what this means. Elliot walks in the door, stopping when he see what is unfolding before him. He walks over and grabs my hand, smiling at the screen. He presses a kiss to my lips and smiles as he pulls away. The events of the day were all disappearing from my memory up until now. Right now, all that mattered was that my family was safe...


	5. A numbing realization

I see it, the light. Am I dead? I have no idea what's going on and I feel like i'm floating. I realize that instead of floating towards the light, i'm floating away from it. What does this mean? I suddenly hear a voice. It sounds like… Elliot? Liv? Liv?

Liv? My eyes snap open and I see Elliot standing over me, looking at me weird. "Hey, I just got a call from Cragen, I have to go in, i'll see you later." He says as he kisses my cheek. I look at the time, seeing that it was 1 AM. "okay, be safe. Love you" I say. He says something else but my eyes are already shut by then.

I wake up again after what seemed like only minutes to a weird sensation. My hand reaches down to my belly instinctively, and I begin to question myself when I think I feel it again. 'Is the baby moving?' my mind nags. I can't think of what else it would be, but at the same time I thought I would know for sure. It's not what I expected. I tell myself it's probably something else, and go back to bed.

I wake up in the morning and hear Anna out in the kitchen making breakfast. I get up and walk to the bathroom, taking off my clothes. I stop when I see myself in the mirror. Without my clothes on my belly looks much bigger. The baby's definately getting bigger. I smile as I place my hand on my bump, thinking about what's in there. I turn the shower on and wait for it to heat up. The steam envelopes me and I feel a rush of heat on my skin.

The hot water in my skin calms me down, after a stressful week at work. I know that I should be slowing down, but I just can't. Those victims all need help, and I feel bad neglecting to give my absolute best. I know there are other people who can do it, and that stress isn't good for the baby, but I love my job so much, I can't let it go easily. As I wash my hair I feel the tension leave my body. Ahhhh…

I walk out into the kitchen and see Anna there, stirring her eggs. As I go to speak I feel it again. This time my hand was on my belly, and i'm surprised when I feel it from the outside. Anna hasn't noticed me yet, so she gasps when I walk over and grab her hand. But as soon as she gasps, she is smiling, knowing what is happening. After a moment I press down harder and sure enough, the baby delivers. Anna lights up, smiling ear to ear. "That's the coolest thing ever" she says, still smiling. "Can you believe that?" I say, somehow surprised myself. "That's your little brother" I say. She looks up at me, clearly noticing the term I used. After about 3 and a half months with us, she has become our daughter, and she isn't going anywhere.

We sit on the couch, laughing at the movie Anna put on. It's something with Will Ferrel in it, so it's funny. My phone dings and I see that Elliot is on his way home. That's odd, he usually isn't home until dinnertime, yet it's only noon. "Hey, your dad's on his way" I say to Anna. She turns to me and looks confused, "Already?" "Well he left in the middle of the night, so they are probably letting him go home early today." "ahh, got it." We continue watching the movie until my phone rings. "Benson" I say. My jaw drops as the next words are said. "There's been an accident" are the last words I hear.

Anna and I race over to the precinct, not wanting to leave her home alone. We run in and I see mass panic around the room. People yelling, EMT's rushing out, everybody running around. "What the hell happened?" I say, scared. Elliot rushes over to me, and i'm glad that he is okay. "Somebody came in here and somehow concealed a gun past security. Fin, carissi, and Barba were all shot. They are all being taken to the hospital right now. No word on condition." 'My 3 main people at work, my team. This couldn't have been a coincidence' I think to myself.

We walk in the hospital doors and rush to the desk. "Officer Tutoala is in surgery right now, he had a bullet penetrate and hit a blood vessel. They are currently working to dislodge it. Officer Carisi is being treated in intensive care. He had a bullet go through his right shoulder, and ended up losing a lot of blood. On the account of Barba though, he was hit in both his lower back and leg, and due to blood loss is currently comatose. Doctors say he should be back to consciousness anywhere from a few days, to a few weeks." I take in the words that she is saying, but it takes a moment for my brain to register them. "Okay, thank you" I say as I walk to the doors. Elliot and Anna follow me out, clearly concerned. But I don't notice any of that. I just can't handle this. There have always been things about my job that are hard to deal with, but i've always been okay. I'm always able to bury whatever is bothering me, and pretend i'm okay. But this time it's different. Call it the hormones, call it whatever, but it's all catching up to me. All of the things that I have kept bottled up from everybody but my therapist if anyone, is coming up again. They are twisting into one big knot in my throat and I can't breathe. I just can't deal with it. The second I am in the car it all comes out. There are no words to describe how I feel. It's like I can't control my body. The tears rush out of my eyes and I can't help but wail as they do. I've never cried so hard in my life. It's like there is just no end to the tears. Elliot rushes up to the door and pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly. He knows that there is nothing he can say, so he stays silent. 10 minutes we sat like that in the parking lot, as I couldn't stop. Once the control returned to my body the crying subsided a bit, and it was dulled to a normal cry. It stayed the way the entire ride home. Elliot followed me into the house along with Anna, and I went straight to the bedroom. I curled up and hugged my pillow, tears streaming again. I see Elliot's shadow and I turn to the door. He walks in and sits down next to me on the bed. "Hey honey." He says as he scoops me up into his arms. I feel the love flowing from him, as he gently kisses my head...


	6. A loving connection

I wake up with a tear dried face. I see that Elliot is still asleep, so I ease out of my bed. I grab my phone and walk out to the living room. I check my phone and see that Cragen has an update for me. Fin's surgery went well, he was placed in a different room and doesn't need as much attention. Carisi has been doing okay, his blood loss was a big deal, but they found somebody with his blood type and he was being rehydrated. He gave no update on Barba though, which worried me. Liv: And Barba? I text. I see the little bubble pop up as he writes his reply. I see that he many times over he rewrites it, worrying me more and more every time. Then his response comes in. Cragen: the nurse said that he is still in his comatose state, with not much of a difference with healing. It was painfully honest but that wasn't surprising from him. I am scared about Barba the most, he is the one I am closest with. He and I are really good friends. I am too tired to cry, but I still feel all of the feeling I was before. I hear Elliot walking out and I put my phone down. "Hey" He says, walking over and sitting next to me. "What are you doing up so early?" He says as he strokes my hair. "Just a little more awake I guess" It's a stupid answer, but I don't really know what to say, I couldn't sleep all night thinking about it. "Are you doing okay?" He says. "I don't know" I say truthfully, knowing that I can't hide it given my episode yesterday. I get up and walk to the fridge, feeling an emptyness in both my heart and my stomach.

After some cereal, I look out the window and see that's it raining. It does comfort me somewhat, given my love for the rain. I feel the shift and my eyes gaze fondly at my belly, as if for a moment nothing else matters. I snap back and walk over to the bedroom, getting dressed. Once we get to the hospital I instantly go for Barba's room, wanting to see him most. I walk in, trying to prepare myself for what i'm about to see. He lies there still, eyes closed, and for a moment it's like he's dead. I hate to think it but that's what it looks like, If it weren't for the heart monitor you'd think he was dead. I walk up to the bed and look at him. He's right there, yet it's like he's not. I don't really know what to think. Elliot comes in after me and wraps his arm around me as a single tear cascades down my face. "We were just talking about having lunch not 3 days ago." I say, remembering the conversation. "I know" Elliot says, knowing what I mean. It's weird to think that that Barba is the same as the one before me. He's got a soft look on his face, one i've never seen on him before. It's like for once his brain isn't constantly going with new ideas and plans. I reach for his hand, needing to know he's really there. I feel his pulse on my hand, reassuring me more than the heart monitor. "What's going to happen?" I whisper, scared of the uncertainty of the answer. I pull Elliot close as I begin to cry.

After a while we go into Fin's room. We walk in and he smiles, as the words I know he is about to say play in my mind. "Hey babygirl!" He says, right on cue. "Hey, how are you feeling?" I say, walking over to him. "Well, you know. Pretty good" He says. Anna is waiting in the waiting room, since I didn't want her to see me like I was before. " how are YOU feeling he says, placing a hand to my bump. "Pretty good, just happy that you are okay." I say. He smiles at me as he opens his arms for a hug from Elliot. "So, when do you get to go home?" I say. "I don't know yet, the doctors ay within a day or two." I smile, happy that it's soon. "So, how long after that do you have to stay home from work?" "Oh, well the minimum is 3 weeks, but Cragen will probably make it 5." He laughs. "Yeah probably" I say.

Carisi was asleep, so we decided to see him a different day. We drove home and picked up some dinner on the way. As we sat at the counter eating, The baby is decided enough and I feel his kick again. I grab Elliots hand and place it over the spot, pressing a bit so I'm sure he'll feel it. His face says it all. The happiness is shown by his smile, his wide eyes, and gentle hand as he moves it to follow the baby. "Wow" He says with a chuckle. "That's my baby boy, wow" I smile at his reaction, finding it adorable. Anna joins us and soon the whole family is connected through my belly, as the baby makes himself heard.


	7. a surprise discovery

Today after a quick visit to see Carisi, we decided to rent a movie to watch, maybe get our minds off of everything that had happened. I am still having a very hard time with Barba being comatose, and today is no exception. It has only been 3 days, which for most would be enough time to wrap their heads around it, but not me. I sit in the car as Anna and Elliot pick out a funny movie to keep it light hearted. My hand moves down to my belly as the baby kicks. I suddenly see a little spot poke out when he does, and I smile in amazement. I lift my shirt up a bit and look at the spot, waiting for it to happen again. When it doesn't I roll my shirt back down and go back to my phone. Anna and Elliot come out and I see that they've picked Ted, a bit of an inappropriate movie, but alright.

As we watch the movie I begin to feel sick. I blame it on the popcorn and decide to take a nap. I tell Elliot i'm fine, and just need some rest. I fall asleep quickly and have a surprisingly needed dream. I'm at work and I walk down a hallway towards Barba, where he is waiting for me. He hands me the papers for the latest case and talks to me about it. He's going on vacation or something, so he gives me a gentle hug and pats my belly, in a friendly way of course. Then he says I love you. Most of the dream was normal for him, but I love you was something he never said. It was always something i'd wanted him to say though, as he was my friend and I loved him. Even though it was a dream, I found myself happy at these words. I woke up though to a calling from my stomach. I grabbed the wastebasket sitting in the corner and almost didn't make it before throwing up. I was scared, because I hadn't had morning sickness for 2 months, and normally once it's gone, it's gone. I brush my teeth and decide to wait and see if I get sick again, otherwise maybe it was just a stomachache or something. But in the span of the next half hour, I did 3 times. I went out by Elliot and told him that I had gotten sick and wanted to go see what was going on. I normally would not want to go to a doctor or have anybody care for me, but with this baby, it's not about me anymore.

We sit waiting for my doctor to come back in. He said that I could have gotten a bug or something, but given my stage in my pregnancy he doesn't think it's morning sickness. He walks back in and sits down. "Well, After looking at your results it looks like you ate something that you were allergic to. What seems to be causing the problem is seafood, more specifically shrimp. Were you aware that you were allergic to this?" "No, I had no idea. Not to mention I don't remember eating shrimp." "well, that's the interesting part. You must have eaten something that had been contaminated with shrimp, because there was only a little bit of it in your system. But, this means that you have to be very careful, since that was your reaction to a small amount. A large amount could quite possibly kill you." "Ok, well did it affect the baby at all?" I know it's a stupid question, like of course the baby's not going to have a reaction too, it's not allergic to shrimp. "No, but your being sick could affect it. You provide the nutrients through the food you eat, so although you might not feel good, I strongly advise to be sure to eat healthy, nutrient rich food. The more you can eat and keep down the better." "Ok thank you "

"Huh, Shrimp?" Elliot says as we walk out. "I know! I had no idea I was allergic to it. I also can't figure out where I would have gotten shrimp from." "well, what about at the hospital? We had that thai food, and Fin had something with shrimp in it, didn't he? Maybe there was a tiny piece in yours that fell in or something?" I start to feel my stomach churn a bit. "Let's just get home please, I feel like i'm going to be sick again. We get home and I go in my bedroom. I lay down for a moment and decide to turn the tv on. I flip through the channels, deciding to watch my favorite show on netflix. I sit back into my pillow and relax, feeling a bit better with the fear of something being wrong gone. Anna knocks on my door, and I motion for her to come in. I pat on the bed next to me, asking her to sit with me. She climbs up on the bed and I lay her head on my shoulder. She is so amazing at times like this. It's nice to have a girl in the house who understands that a simple show of affection, or a moment of peace can make all the difference. Elliot would usually be asking me nonstop if I was okay, and if I needed anything. Which of course i'm not being rude and saying that's not okay, it's amazing that he cares and I love that, but sometimes it's a bit much, and i'd just like him to sit with me and watch tv, or call in and spend the day with me. It's stupid but it's just one of those things.

After a while of watching tv like this, Anna's hand reaches for my stomach, and she gently rubs my belly. Then, she quickly takes her hand away. "Oh, i'm really sorry I forgot you were sick, that's probably not helping" she says with a little laugh. "No, you're fine. Keep it there, see if he pokes out like he did earlier today" I say. She does as I said and even though I know he's not moving right now, there is still something cute about it. Elliot comes in wit a mug of tea for me. "Thanks El" I say as he kisses my forehead. "Of course. Need anything else?" I smile, "Just you" I say. He takes my hand in his, kissing the top of it. "Well, I called Cragen and I took tomorrow off, so it'll just be the 3 of us" He says. "4 of us" Anna corrects. I smile, both at her and him. "You really did that for me?" I say, confused on his sudden understanding of what I want. "Yes, I thought about what I would want if I was sick, and really just in general all the time, and you were the first thing that came to mind." I smile as he kisses my cheek. "If only you weren't sick, that'd be your beautiful lips" He says. Anna and I both laugh at his attempt at being romantic. He climbs up on the bed next to Anna, and we sit together watching tv and laughing...


	8. an amazing awakening

A week later...

I walk down the hallway to the room, and face myself again for what i'm about to see. The beeping, and silence, and stillness, all of it. I walk in and sit down. Looking at him is so hard, yet I can't stop. His face is so sunken in, and he looks deprived of everything living inside his soul. I can't stand it. I know i'm crying but my face doesn't feel it, it's numb to them now. I just can't believe that 1 day i'm talking to him about a case and laughing at his stupid antics, and the next he's here, barely alive. The baby kicks and moves, making it hard to focus on anything else. I know he can't feel it, and it's weird but I take his hand and place it there, trying to convince myself that he's still there, and that maybe by some magical power he'll wake up and feel it or something. I don't know, but in the moment it seems right. I hold his hand, feeling his pulse on my wrist. It's a nice reminder that he's there. I never realized how important he was to me until now. In the beginning we didn't like him, we thought he'd be like every other ADA and leave within a few days or weeks. I remember when he first started to show signs of wanting to stay, and he was actually good at his job. Then, we slowly started to become friends. And then after I got Noah, we just got closer and closer. Once I start to think about it I realize that he's my best friend. I wish that I could have told him some of these things before. I decide to grab some lunch and I head across the street to the deli. I come back and sit down, opening up my sandwich. After a moment I think I hear a noise, so I look over. I hear it again, a quiet moan coming from his mouth. 'There's no way' I think to myself. I walk over to him and take his hand, and I feel it twitch in mine. He slowly opens his eyes, shutting them right away trying to adjust to the light difference. Once they are completely open he looks at me, smiling. "Liv?" He says, his voice raspy from not talking for so long. "Hi Barba" I say, still a bit in disbelief. "Hi honey" he says as he reaches his hand to my stomach. "Holy cow how long have I been out?" He says. "It's only been 2 weeks." I say. I notice that he knows what's going on, for the most part, remembers me and everything else, and seems to be in a clear state of mind. "Well you look beautiful" He says, patting my belly. "Thank you. Do you know what happened to you?" He smiles. "I remember that I was shot, and I remember being told to hold on until they could get me blood. I'm guessing blood loss along with something else made me comatose?" He knew it, I can't believe he just knows what's going on so well. I would be going crazy if I were him. "Yes, fell back on your head, and it caused a lot of swelling and that combined with blood less led to coma" I say. "So why are you here right now? Shouldn't you be at work?" He says. "Well, I had to be here for my best friend." I say, a smile showing up on his face. "Well, I don't blame you. I'd be here too if it were you in this bed." I smile at him, realizing that I should probably tell somebody that he is awake. "I'm going to go get the nurses real quick" I say.

After about an hour of questions and scans, they tell me that he will be fine, but will need to stay for about a week until he's cleared to leave. I walk back in the room, sitting down next to him. "So, what did I miss in those two weeks?" He says. "Not much. We had a few cases that we really could have used your creative insight on" He stops me there. "I meant with you, Liv. What did I miss with you, and the family?" "Oh, Right. Of course i'm always thinking about work" I laugh. "Also not too much, It's Anna's birthday next week, we are going to have a party for her. Elliot's parents are coming to town this weekend." I say. "And how about the baby?" he says. I subconsciously rub my belly as I think. "Not too much going on there either. He's getting bigger, he is the size of a mango or some other fruit. We got a 3d ultrasound the other day if you want to see it." I pull out the pictures from my bag and show him. "Wow" He says. "That is really a baby in there" He says as he eyes my stomach and then the picture. "I know, it's kind of crazy. He's been showing himself more and more." I laugh. "How so?" He says in his typical Barba way. "Like kicking, he did it before but I could only feel it, and it only happened like once a day, at least that I could feel. Now you can feel it from the outside, and sometimes you can even see it. And moving, I couldn't feel him move before, only kick. But these last few days i've been feeling a little shift sometimes in the weight and that's how I know he's moving" I say. "Oh. that's pretty awesome" He says smiling. "Yeah, well it is now, let's see if it gets old" I say with a laugh. We talk for a while and then I decide to go home, it had been a long time and Elliot was waiting for me to get back and tell him everything. "Well, listen i'm really happy you were here, I got to see the beautiful face of my best friend when I woke up" he says. "Well thank you.I'm really really happy you're going to be okay" I say. He kisses my cheek and mouths an I love you, me doing the same.

I get in the car, and everything I was trying to hold in in front of him comes out. I can't believe he's okay. It's just a crazy feeling I have. I start the car and feel my heart skip a beat as I realize how happy I am.

After explaining it to Elliot and Anna we each take a moment to understand each other. It is something that I still can't believe happened, all of it. We were prepared for him to not wake up, after 2 weeks. The doctor said that if he didn't wake up within a week that things were a little more serious, and most people rarely woke up after 2-4 weeks. We had prepared ourselves for the worst because we knew the chances. All of this plus the fact that he woke up when I was there, at the perfect time made it all so hard to believe and comprehend. But my brain started to get it, and I felt better about it once I remembered that the important thing to remember is that he is alive, and will be okay.


	9. a missing person

I wake up to Elliot kissing my forehead as he says goodbye. "I'll see you later" He says, walking out the door. I close my eyes again, not ready to get up. But the baby is hungry, as evidenced by his constant kicking, so I decide to get up and get some breakfast. As I get up I hear Anna make a weird noise almost as if she's in pain. As I walk out of the room she says "shit" Something is going on and I walk out to see her laying on the couch with a heating pad to her stomach. "Cramps?" I say, remembering how bad they could get at times. "Yes, I can't move they're so bad right now" She says. "Well do you need me to get anything?" She looks at me. "No, i'm fine"

She starts to feel better after a bit and we decide to visit Barba. We walk into his new room and hand him the lunch we brought him. He smiles as he sees that I brought Anna. "Hey Anna!" he says with excitement, almost like she's a little kid. "Hey " She says, and I love how respectful she is to say Mr.. We sit down and begin eating our lunch and talking, and it's nice to talk just like normal. We talk about work and what's happened while he was gone. We facetime with Carisi Fin and Rollins for a bit. He and Anna have fun talking about some old movie while I take a call in the hallway. "Benson" "Hey Liv, you don't need to come in I just thought I'd keep you in the ring, but that case we were working on has some leads on it right now. We just found out that the dad worked for a company in 2012 that has ties to jefferson. We are bringing him in for questioning and talking to coworkers. We're trying to figure out if he knew about these ties or not." "Ok, thanks for calling, let me know if you need me for anything" I say as I walk back into the room. "Hey Anna I think we should get going, give Barba some time without a bunch of people" I say. "Ok" She says. "It was nice to see you, I'm glad you're feeling better" She says as she gives him a hug. I do the same.

We get in the car and drive over the convenience store down the street from our house. I walk to the doors and stop when I hear a moan. I walk behind the store to the dumpsters where I hear it. A young girl only about Anna's age is sitting there, blood on her face and clearly in pain. I go up to help her and when I do a hard hit to the back of my head knocks me out.

I slowly wake up in a dark room, with the only light coming from a tiny hole. I have no idea where I am or what's going on. I look around and I can just barely make out a girl in the corner of the room, still asleep. My head is killing me, and I can't stop thinking about Anna. Where is she and what's happening. I think about the baby. God I hope everything is okay. There is no movement, which normally would be fine, it's not like the baby is constantly moving, but now it scares me. My head starts to pound again and suddenly the light is gone, i'm back out.

When I reawaken the girl has woken up. She looks at me with tears streaming down her face. She isn't the girl I saw behind the dumpsters, but she looks bloody too. She looks to be about 16, and I can tell she scared. I quietly whisper to her "Hey, it's okay. I'm a detective, I can keep you safe" I say, trying to reassure her even though I have no idea what's going on myself. I see that we have no restraints so I motion for her to come over by me. She carefully scoots across the floor and sits down next to me. She's still crying so I put my arm around her, finding myself being motherly. She reminds me of Anna, sitting here. We stay this way for 30 minutes, not knowing what else to do. We don't hear any noises coming from wherever we are, so we begin whispering to each other. "What's your name?" I say. "Maria" she says. "I'm Olivia Benson" I say. After a minute she looks up at me and says shyly: "Forgive me if i'm wrong, the lighting is bad and here and I can't see, but are you pregnant?" I smile at her. "Yes, I am." "sorry, I guess it's not something I should have asked, I just wanted to know" She says, still shy. "It's okay, it would be kind of weird if you didn't ak, don't you think?" "yeah I guess that's true" she says. "How far along are you" she asks. "About 5 and a half months" I say, still waiting for something to happen from the baby. "Oh" she says. We sit talking quietly about our family, she asked about a detective.

Back at home: Elliot's perspective:

I get home to Anna crying, she called me from the car, saying Liv hadn't come out and wasn't in the store, or anywhere to be found. We go into the precinct right away and get any information she knows, the stores camera footage, any evidence from the store. It's not much that we get, but it's a bit of hope.

Everybody is in today going through all of the information and evidence. We've put out posters and pictures of Liv, on the local news and around town. Anna and I sit and wait, knowing that Cragen won't let me do any work right now. I get a phone call from Barba. "Hey, She visited me before she went to that store, if there is any information about her or anything you need from just let me know. And Elliot, we're going to find her, trust me." "Thank you" I say. "That's all I need to hear right now"

"It's obviously tied to the jefferson case, we just need to figure out how. I want Fin and Rollins to go to the jefferson headquarters, talk to everybody there. I want Carisi at the jefferson building downtown, take somebody with you.

Liv's perspective:

I feel a soft nudge and I gasp. "What?" Maria says, concerned. "He's moving again" I say, my hand pressed up to my belly. I see the look on her face and I make room for her hand, inviting her to feel. She carefully places her hand where mine just was and waits for a moment. He stays quiet, so she takes her hand down. "He'll do it again" I say, unsure of how long we are going to be here in the first place. After 2 hours here, It doesn't seem like there is anybody anywhere near us. It's like we are just in a box inside of a giant empty building. It's obvious that there is only one light on, and the tiny bit that we can see is a very dim light, barely showing through the hole. We sit for a while longer and wait, hoping that the team is searching for us.


	10. A soft awakening

It's been 2 days, which I only know because of my watch. By holding it up to the very dim light I can see the time. We've gotten little sleep, trying to have one sleep when the other is awake in case something happens so we aren't vulnerable. We have done a lot of talking, and getting to know each other. What else are we going to do in this situation? I haven't heard much from the baby, but there are still some movements and kicking at times, which reassures me. Today he is moving around so I grab her hand and place where I feel it. This time she is able to feel it. It's nice to have something to keep us entertained, and away from the bad thoughts. "Why did your stomach just get so hard?" she says, but as she sees my face she knows. "Oh my god" she says. I exhale slowly, feeling the muscles relax. "It's okay, it's not the real thing, it's way too early" I say. It's also really early for braxton hicks, but my doctor said given my age it's normal to experience them very early, as my body needs more preparation. This was the first time i'd felt it though, and i'm surprised that I didn't freak out. Although it wasn't the real thing it certainly hurt. "Trust me, it's fine" I say.

Elliot's perspective:

Back at the precinct, We collect the information we got from the jefferson headquarters and piece them together. "So we know that Jefferson knows and has something to do with Liv's disappearance based on his former assistants questioning. 'Now you said she said something about "the old building"?" I ask Fin. "Yeah, she said that after they moved into the new building he was reluctant to sell the old one, and ended up keeping a small portion of it." "Why though?" I ask, thinking out loud. "I don't know, but she said he really made a big deal of it" "Okay, and that was 2 months ago that they left the building?" "Yep" I think for a moment. "Alright, let's go get the permits and check out the building, He could be keeping Liv there" I say, as we all grab our jackets and head out.

Liv's perspective.

I'm cold, and very hungry. The only food we had was a few old candy bars i'd had in my purse, which surprisingly wasn't taken. Maria is sleeping, so I stay quiet. I can't help but think about what's going to happen. It's already been 2 days, the longest i've ever been held hostage. I know that there has got to be someone looking for us, but why is it taking so long? I feel colder all of a sudden and can't figure out why. Then suddenly, my eyes go black and I slunch over, passing out.

Elliot's perspective:

As we open the door to the front of the building the warm air leaves and the cold comes in. I shiver as I turn on the light. Jefferson's portion is way in the back, and this building is the size of a small apartment building. We walk from room to room, turning on lights and looking for anything. The person who bought the rest of the building was a designer who needed a space to have shows and design, but he's been on vacation for 2 weeks, so the building is empty. We look around and find the dressing room/makeup room. I see a little door over by one of the walls. It's got a lock on it, I know i'm not going to be able to get the combination, and as i'm about to call for a pick or hammer, I hear a quiet moan. "There's someone in there" Fin says, rushing over to the door. "I know" I say, knowing that it could be Liv. Carisi walks in with a hammer, and I break the lock, throwing it to the floor and ripping open the door. I hear a young girl scream and open up the second door to the box they are in. I see a young girl looking terrified and Liv slumped over. "Call a bus!" I say as I grab Liv and Fin tells the girl we are police. "You're okay, don't worry he says to her. I pull Liv out and feel for her pulse, glad that she still has one. But she is passed out nonetheless, and both are malnourished. We bring Liv to the ambulance and I sit with her the ride to the hospital, holding her hand. I know I should be thinking about the baby too, but at this moment I don't care, Liv is the only one I care about. We get there and they put her on an IV and a feeding tube for now until she wakes up. I sit in the room with her for a few minutes, and then decide to get something to eat. I walk down to the cafeteria and meet Fin and Carisi there. "So what about the girl?" I ask, realizing I had forgotten completely about her. "She's okay, Liv must have had some food with her because the girl was not as malnourished as expected for 2 and a half days." "Of course Liv would have given more to her" I say. I can't blame her though, I would have done the same. Who could say no to a young girl like that?

I walk into her room, and smile at her. "Hi Maria" I say, trying to be kind of soft. "I'm Elliot, Liv's husband. I just wanted to thank you for keeping her company, and say sorry that you had to go through all that" It's all true, I can't thank her enough for actually caring about Liv and I feel bad that she had to do all that. "Thank you" She says, smiling at me. "She helped me right away when I was scared, and made me feel better. The least I could do was keep her some company, and help her." She says.

I walk back over to Liv's room, seeing that she's woken up. I walk over to her and place my hand on her face. "Hey beautiful" I say, kissing her cheek. She smiles at me, taking my hand. "How are you feeling?" I ask. "Ok, the nurses came in and took me off of the feeding tube and everything, said I can go home tonight."


	11. A calming message

We come home to a quiet house. I see Ripley, our new husky-lab mix run over to me and sniff me, taking in my scent again. It's a bit too quiet so i'm glad when she does this. I set down my bag and Elliot and Anna walk me over to the couch. We sit down and talk a bit about what happened, knowing I need to get it out before it eats me alive.

After this we decide to keep it a calm night, we order pizza, and Elliot and I enjoy some red wine. "So, how's baby doing?" Elliot asks. I reach my hand down and don't feel much going on. "I don't know, he isn't doing much today. The doctor said the medicine they gave me for my bruising may numb my stomach enough so I don't feel the faint kicks." It's true that it's numbing my bruises, but I still feel pain everywhere. We sit and watch tv for a while, wanting to just spend some time together and be with each other. After a while I begin to feel tired, so I head to my room and sit on the edge of the bed for a moment. As I sit I feel a slight movement, I can barely feel it but I know it's there. It's a nice reminder of how lucky I am. I lay down and open up my laptop. I see that I have a message from Maria. I gave her my Email so we could stay in touch, after what we went through together we weren't just going to forget about eachother. I had seen her in the hospital once, but she had been out before me so that was it. I read it:

Dear Lieutenant Benson,

I want to start off by thanking you yet again. I could say thank you a thousand times and it still wouldn't be enough. You don't know all that you've done for me, you reached out and took my hand so I wouldn't feel alone. You told me it was going to be okay when I couldn't sleep. You kept me from going crazy thinking about what was going to happen, and reasured me that we would be alright in the end. I know that you had no idea what would happen, but the fact that you did all that when you weren't even sure yourself means the world to me. I am back home now, I still am a little weak but in a few days i'll be fine, i'm just a bit malnourished. I am going back to school on monday, I'm excited to see my friends. I remember you talking about your daughter Anna, she must be the luckiest girl in the world to have you as a mother. I will be visiting New york City in a week, could I see you while i'm down there? Oh, and Hi to that little nugget in there. Again, thank you so so much, you're my new hero.

Maria.

I feal tears burn my eyes as I read the sweet message. It's my hormones, I think to myself. But I know it's not, the message really makes me happy. It's nice to hear someone so young have such respect, she said lieutenant Benson, and used professional Email format. The thank you is what really got me though, because over the years I have saved many lives, and done so much for people and many times never got a thank you from them. Of course I also had people personally say thank you, but never like this. I sit for a minute and think of a response. It takes me a minute and yet it takes me no time at all.

Anna,

I am so so happy to see this message from you, It's the most respect i've recieved in a long time, especially from someone of your age. I know that what happened is going to take a while to "Get over" as they say, or cope with really. I mean, i've been in situations like this so many times, and it still hits me just as hard. But remember, if at any point you just can't handle it, or you need someone to talk to, I can help you find someone, or i'm always here. I am so grateful that everything did turn out okay for you, you have such a bright future and I can't wait to see what you do with it. I am very-

As i'm typing the baby gives me a swift kick to the stomach, and this time I can feel it in full. It hurts the bruise on my stomach a bit, but it's okay, the smile on my face tells it.

-I am very happy to say that "the little nugget" says hi too. And yes! I would love to see you when you come to New york, we will have to plan something. So, Thank you for keeping me company, and staying awake while I slept, and caring while we were in there. Both that and YOU mean so much to me, and I thank you for that.

Love,

Olivia Benson.

I know saying love is a little odd, but it feels right and I know she'll see it and smile. I skip the lieutenant part, trying to let her know that she can just call me Olivia. I close my laptop and lay down on my side, pulling the sheets up. I smile as I think about what she said, and slowly fall asleep.

I wake up to Anna trying to be quiet as she looks through the bathroom drawers. "What are you looking for?" I say, letting her know i'm awake. "Danggit. I tried to be quiet." She says. "It's okay" "I'm trying to find some tampons, i'm going with Rachel and Kelly to the pool." She says, still rustling around in the drawers. "Top drawer to the right" I say. "I moved them since i'm not going to need them for a while" I say with a laugh. "Oh" she says, grabbing one and walking over to me. She places a kiss on my cheek and gives the baby a quick pat."Bye, love you" she says. "Love you too honey" I say.


End file.
